Today we celebrate the union of Micah Altman and Kylie Mills.
My wife, Kathy, and I welcome you to this beautiful spot where interesting and loving people gather to share the commitment Kylie and Micah are making to each other.
This is a spot visited at least once a year by the Mills Family: Rick, Kylie, Kathy and Dick. A painting of this vista has adorned our living room since 1968 -- the year Kylie was born. To Kylie, this synthesis of sky, mountain, water and woods is more than a pretty view. This place is a part of her spiritual understanding.
We would like to thank the owner, Polly Bowditch and her late husband, Samuel (who died unexpectedly in March) for allowing us to meet here today. During the past year, Kathy and I have met some truly generous people in Tamworth, N.H.
Over a year ago when Micah and Kylie told us they were to be married, and we passed along that news, a friend said: "Well, are you ready to give away the bride?" I must admit that giving away the bride is a totally foreign concept. Kylie has been making her own decisions for years. She is not ours "to give."
At the same time, we frequently heard the comment that we are not losing a daughter, we are gaining a son. Like many absolute statements, the "gaining - losing" statement has deficiencies. First, we are giving up some of our emotional hold on Kylie. It would not be fair to their marriage if we did not. Second, we are gaining a son, but only in a limited way. To employ a phrase Kathy is fond of using, Micah has entered that "boat" of people we care deeply about. But, it is not the parent-child relationships which are important here. Micah is a mature, kind, loving person who has freely entered "our boat" as an equal partner and on his own terms.
Kylie and Micah are exceptional intellectuals. It is, of course, always fair for a college professor to make that judgment. On an occasion such as this, no proof is required. Individually, Kylie and Micah are intellectual, emotional whirlwinds. They have an unusual ability to focus their energies on a particular concept or task. That two such powerful personalities should find each other, should be able to make each other laugh, and should become so committed to each other, is truly remarkable.
What Kathy and I "give" today is our blessing on the
commitment Kylie and Micah make to each other. We are very happy
for them!
For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. . . [Love] is a high inducement for the individual to ripen...to become world in himself for the sake of another person...human love...consists in this: that two solitudes protect and border and greet each other.
...
It's been a long time coming to this time:
Under this sky, a fan unfolds
and in each leaf an image
that your mothers carry in their hearts -
each evanescent memory takes shape
and fades and is replaced
by images like stones we walk along
delivering us here:
Full with the hopes we hope for you -
the two of you,
Filled with the knowledge of our own lives,
knowing that you and time will choose
the happiness and sorrow meant for you
and we are out of it.
You have been grown, it seems, forever now,
gone off to shape a world
made from your own experience and understanding,
shaped only in small measure by our expectations -
If I could bless you, it would be with this:
after the details of the arrangements,
the wine, the baby's breath,
assembled company
before whom you will speak aloud
those promises you made before,
To see each in the glass that is the other;
to shield each other's light
and write by it the story of your lives together;
to offer comfort in this world,
green and feathered and spiked
with cutting edges;
and you will start again
from this day
and every day hereafter
and say to each other
Yes, I will; Yes.
T.S. Eliot A Dedication to My Wife
" ... this dedication is for others to read:
These are private words addressed to you in public."
There is a reason for adressing this in public...
All that we have learned, every experience we have encountered
led us to this moment. We are better people for having lived these
lives. And, we could not have lived them without all of you.
The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
"It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or who have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby...
Weeks passed, and the little Rabbit grew very old and shabby, but the Boy loved him just as much. He loved him so hard that he loved all his whiskers off, and the pink lining to his ears turned grey. He even began to lose his shape, and he scarcely looked like a rabbit any more, except to the Boy. To him he was always beautiful, and that was all that the little Rabbit cared about. He didn't mind how he looked to other people, because the nursery magic had made him Real, and when you are Real, shabbiness doesn't matter."
1 Corinthians 13 (1-7)
I may speak in tongues of men or of angels, but if I am without love, I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal. I may have the gift of prophecy, and know every hidden truth; I may have faith strong enough to move mountains; but if I have no love, I am nothing. I may dole out all I possess, or even seek glory by self-sacrifice, but if I have no love, I am none the better.
Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offense. Love keeps no score of wrongs; does not gloat over other people's faults, but delights in the truth. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.
Marylyn Hacker - On Marriage
Epithalamion? Not too long back
I was being ironic about "wives."
It's very well to say, creation thrives
on contradiction, but that's a fast track
shifted precipitately into. Tack-
y, some might say, and look mildly appalled. On
the whole, it's one I'm likely to be called on.
Explain yourself or face the music, Hack.
No law books frame terms of this covenant.
It's choice that's asymptotic to a goal,
which means that we must choose, and choose, and choose
momently, daily. This moment my whole
trajectory's toward you, and it's not los-
ing momentum. Call it anything we want.
Song by Sweet Honey in the Rock
Kahlil Gibran - from The Prophet
" Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
(From e.e. cummings - I carry your heart with me)
| Micah Altman (Groom) | Kylie Mills (Bride) |
| i carry your heart with me | i carry it in my heart |
| i am never without it | anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling |
| i fear no fate | for you are my fate, my sweet |
| i want no world | for beautiful you are my world, my true |
| and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows | here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide |
| and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart | i carry it in my heart |
"Join us now in a few moments of silence as we each, in our own way, honor this union with a blessing."
I will share my life with you. I will support you in your dreams and aspirations. I will strive to provide comfort and understanding in our life together. [Kylie Puts Ring on Micah's Finger]
I will share my life with you. I will support you in your dreams and aspirations. I will strive to provide comfort and understanding in our life together. [Micah Puts Ring on Kylie's Finger]
"By the authority vested in me as a Justice of the Peace in the State of New Hampshire, I now pronounce you married. Mazel Tov!"
I'll find a place somewhere in the corner
I'm gonna waste the rest of my days
Just watching patiently from the window
Just waiting seasons change, some day
Oh, oh, my dreams will pull you through that garden gate.
I want to be the wandering sailor
We're silhouettes by the light of the moon
I sit playing solitaire by the window
Just waiting seasons change, ah, ah
You'll see, one day, these dreams will pull you through my door
And I'll come running to tie your shoe
And I'll come running to tie your shoe.
| Copyright © 1995-2008 | Micah Altman |